The Misfortune Files: Stories of People’s Biggest Screw Ups

Came at a Price

My wife of 4 years gave birth to our first child last year. Both my wife and I are blue-eyed and light-skinned. Our baby has a darker skin tone. Over the past 6 months, his eyes turned a very dark brown.

I had my doubts. My friends and family had questions. I read too many horror stories online.

I asked my wife half-jokingly one day if she was sure the kiddo was mine. She stared daggers at me and said of course he is. I let it go for a while, but I still had a nagging doubt.

So right after Thanksgiving, I told her I wanted a paternity test to put my doubts to rest. She agreed.

A few weeks ago I came home to an empty house. My wife and son went. On the bed, she left the paternity results. And a petition for divorce.

The kid is 100% mine. Now I will only get to see him weekends and I lost the most amazing woman I have ever known.

A Candid Admission

I went to a job interview after working a 12-hour shift and when asked “What’s my biggest weakness or flaw”. I said without thinking “I’m a pervert.” The woman interviewing me just paused and asked me another question and then ended the interview. I didn’t get the job.

The Million-Dollar Text

The lottery winning took place back in August 2014. Mike and I were married in October 2014. It wasn’t a fortune, but enough to make a difference. After taxes, it came out to right around $480,000. Most people would be over the moon, but I panicked. I didn’t want our life to turn upside down because we had extra money now.

I was still legally single at the time, and so I was able to accept it anonymously without the need to tell anyone else. So I didn’t. Tell anyone else. Not a single soul. Not my husband, my parents, siblings, best friends, etc. Only the state and federal governments.

(My husband has a tendency to spend on things we don’t need and that aren’t going to benefit us in the long run so I didn’t want our money to blow quickly on stupid stuff like cars and clothes.)

I opened a new bank account with a national credit union and put the check-in. Got started with a financial advisor (Keith), who guided me into investing in local businesses and real estate. And that’s that. It’s been sitting there since, just growing.

Flash forward to today. I’m doing dishes and getting ready to start making dinner, and my phone rings. I can’t get to it but figure I’ll call them back. Then I get a text. No big deal. I’ll get to it in a minute….but my husband came into the kitchen and glanced at my phone to let me know who text me and called me (which he always does if my hands are full).

It’s Keith. He called and text me to let me know my account just hit $1 million after one of the energy companies I invested in soared recently.

My husband is stunned. Has no clue what to even say, staring at me until he says “We have a million dollars??” I was so flushed but finally just sat him down and explained the situation. He’s clearly mad at me for never telling him. Asks if my family knows, and I tell him that no one knows except the IRS and Keith.

It took him a few hours to finally be able to really talk to me.. at the end of the silence he told me he was proud of me for investing in our future but he needs a few days to clear his head because he feels like I hid a huge part of “myself” from him.

We might just need to take a vacation now.

reddituser

CEO vs. Android

I created a project at my work that allowed all of our products to be linked up to Android apps that our customers can use to control them. Today was the day I was presenting this to upper management. Before starting my presentation, the CEO of my company stopped in and decided he was interested in my project. The presentation goes well and is very well received. Everyone thinks it’s a great idea to link our products up to apps instead of controlling them via switches and push buttons. The final slide of my project was titled “Why Android Initially”, this is where things went, very, very bad. I presented data showing that Android-based devices currently hold >50% market share and Apple is only around 38%. I then proceeded to tell everyone 82% of new phones being shipped right now are Android-based. I also explained that development for Android was much easier than for iOS. After I finish making these points my CEO just responds with “Well, 82% of people are stupid”. Obviously thinking it was a joke, and he just liked Apple more, I responded back with “Looks like we have a fanboy in the room”. The room went dead silent for the remainder of my presentation. I finish up the presentation thinking it went quite well, and the CEO storms out. One of the VPs in the meeting pulls me aside and politely fills me in on the fact that our CEO is one of the largest shareholders of Apple. I kinda just left work after that one

A Moral Hero

I was a bank teller working drive-through and I had a fat stack of cash in an envelope (roughly $3,000ish) that I had set aside because I needed my manager to take it to the vault because I was over the max amount allowed to keep in the drawer at any time.

I’m just going through the motions and some guy was doing a cash withdrawal and while I was on auto-pilot I sent back his tube with the envelope containing $3000 instead of the few hundred he was withdrawing. The worst part was I didn’t realize this until about 15 minutes and 10 or so transactions later.

I immediately called my manager and just said “I f*cked up big time”. I couldn’t even remember which account it was on so I had no idea who to call or who he was. He could have kept that money and we would have never known.

Luckily he was a good samaritan and came back into the branch and asked for the manager saying “I believe there was a mistake, I was given way too much money but I noticed it wasn’t taken out of my account. I don’t want your teller fired over this!”

The issue was resolved in under an hour and I’m forever thankful that guy was a good person and came back to return the money.

HallucinatesOtters

Merry Mix-Ups

Earlier this year, AncestryDNA had a sale on their kit. I thought it would be a great gift idea so I bought 6 of them for Christmas presents. Today my family got together to exchange presents for our Christmas Eve tradition, and I gave my mom, dad, brother, and 2 sisters each a kit.

As soon as everyone opened their gift at the same time, my mom started freaking out. She told us how she didn’t want us taking them because they had unsafe chemicals. We explained to her that there were actually no chemicals, but we could tell she was still flustered. Later she started trying to convince us that only one of us kids need to take it since we will all have the same results and to resell extra kits to save money.

Fast forward: Our parents have been fighting upstairs for the past hour, and we are downstairs trying to figure out who has a different dad.

The Awkward Awakening

When I was in 7th grade, my parents woke me up from bed and took me to the guest room where they proceeded to show me what “History” on the computer was.

D4rks1id3

Love Hits a Switch

My grandpa surprised me with a brand new switch last year. This was two weeks before he died. The mischievous smile that he had when showing it to me will be forever ingrained in my heart. My grandpa took me in when he noticed how neglectful and abusive my mom was. He just came, packed my bags and sternly told my mom that he is taking me with and my mom didn’t argue. It was the happiest day of my life.

He didn’t have much but he showered me with so much love. He meant the world to me so that switch had high sentimental value. It was also my very first switch. Anyway, I started dating my girlfriend earlier this year. She is my first serious girlfriend and it’s been amazing.

We are high school seniors but I could definitely see myself marrying her. About a week ago, she wasn’t herself and told me that her grandma was in the hospital and she couldn’t go see her because she didn’t have any money. It didn’t look like her grandma was going to make it and she was afraid that she would die without saying goodbye.

I spent a few days contemplating on how to help her. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to my own grandpa because I was at school when he died so I know that pain. I gave it a lot of thought and then decided that maybe I could sell my switch. It would probably mean everything to my girlfriend. It wasn’t an easy choice but I did it and then gave her the money.

She told me that she had left and after that, I couldn’t reach her. I understood that she had a lot going on so I waited for her to contact me. The following day I saw her friend’s IG stories. They were at a music festival hanging out with some random guys and my girlfriend was there. I didn’t know how to confront her so I just blocked her on everything.

Up in Flames

I was working a facilities job in my early 20s and was a heavy smoker at the time. I worked for a very wealthy company and had a no-smoking rule, so every time I needed a cigarette I had to hide behind the building to smoke.

Due to a recent change in furniture, we were left with lots of cardboard and plastic wrap, so the DO ordered a roll-away dumpster for the site. This roll-away dumpster happened to be put around the corner where I smoked.

One night I was smoking and got a call to go do a fix on a machine, so I put my cigarette out before finishing it with the intent to come back later. The cigarette broke in half while I was doing so and in frustration, I tossed it into the dumpster. I do the fix on the machine and go back to the shop office to sit down. 5 minutes go by and one of the other facilities guys comes running in and tells me there is a fire. I run to a fire extinguisher and run outside to see there is a huge fire in the dumpster, so me and 3 other people jump in the dumpster to attempt to put it out. After 2 long minutes, I look down and see flames coming from underneath the cardboard I am standing on and decided to call it time to dial 911. The flames erupted 9-10 feet out of the dumpster when the fire department arrived and it took them nearly half an hour to put it out. We were all examined afterwards and the fire department recommended we all go to the hospital immediately due to smoke inhalation. My cigarette sent 3 people to the hospital and a security camera above the dumpster saw the whole thing. I was fired and banned from the place I worked. In the end, I was very fortunate nothing was damaged and nobody was seriously injured.

MessageLarge5901

Dating Slip-Ups

I have been seeing a girl for the last month it’s been going wonderful. Yesterday I asked her if I am her type and what is her type, which led her to ask this back, so I like assertive, talkative, Bengali and chubby girls, I also said she fits most of the things other than the Bengali part, the moment I said this she went silent so like a normal human I asked what’s up, she says she’s really insecure about her body and calling her chubby does not help. I immediately apologized but she was still upset, I said she’s really gorgeous and beautiful and sexy and if someone says otherwise is completely wrong, which is all true.

She hasn’t responded to my text or picked up my calls. I don’t know what to do honestly, I really like this girl and would be a huge loss if she leaves.

Kicked to the Curb

The night I went to see my boyfriend. When I was 17, my mom told me she’d kick me out if I went to my boyfriend’s house (she didn’t like him because the only time she met him, he talked back to his mother by saying “Just keep on talking. I’m 18. I don’t have to do what you say anymore”). After a small argument between me and her, I left and walked to his house.

When I got home, she had a small laundry basket of clothes ready by the door and said “Don’t even think about taking those shoes off!! You really thought I was f*cking joking?? Get in the car.”

Then she tossed the laundry basket into the trunk, took my house key and drove me to the Women&Children’s shelter in town. When she basically pushed me out of the car, she said if I came back onto her property, she’d call the cops. She ghosted me for almost a year, the only reason she got back in contact was to demand if Id gotten into drugs “like the shelter people do” and if I had a job yet. And now that I’m 23, she uses me as a negative example for my brother (11) because to her – I’m what happens when you’re lazy, have no work ethic and don’t go to college.

NO. I’m what happens when your mom kicks you out WAY too early and you have to claw your way up to regular life on welfare, going in and out of shelters and renting rooms while attempting to become an adult literally overnight.

SnowyInuk

The High Cost of ‘Funny’

My 11-year-old daughter likes to watch prank videos on YouTube, I really don’t care unless the videos include sexual stuff anyway. A few weeks ago, she watched a video where some dudes filled a car tank with food. Fast forward to last week. I was emptying some older gas into my car tank with a funnel because I did not want to run it through the lawnmower. My daughter thought it was the perfect chance to pull a “prank” when I was getting gas for the mower and went and put a few cans of chilli down the funnel. The next day I was having trouble with the engine of my company car, so I had it towed to the company garage. They ended up charging me around $3,000 to get it fixed. When I confronted her, she confessed, saying she thought it would be “funny.” I am now going to put restrictions on her iPad so she can’t watch this kind of stuff.

A Remarkable Comeback

I tried moving to Seattle from Buffalo with only $1000 saved up (yes I know), thinking I had a job lined up. Turns out they’d only interviewed me to get information, and I scrambled to get employment as I stayed in a hostel. The temp agency got me to work, but three weeks later the call center no longer wanted me there and I got a phone call, in the room I was staying in, that I wasn’t being kept. After a lot of thought, I realized no matter what that I would be completely homeless. I took the last $300 or so I had left and bought a bus ticket back to Buffalo, salvaging the stuff I could. To me, it was better to be homeless in a city I knew than in a city where I knew nobody. I ran out of money completely in Wisconsin, I lost my wallet in Chicago, and by the time the bus reached Buffalo it had snowed a bunch so it made it difficult to drag my stuff around.

Two and a half years later, here I am, back at work in Seattle. I have a roof over my head, reliable transportation, two jobs and a large number of new friends. I’ve been here for nearly a year now after managing to get back onto my feet with my parent’s help after the disaster in 2019, and I truly have never been happier.

Failures are not the end of the world, even though, as I stared out the bus window in November 2019, I felt it was for me.

Drawing the Devil

I get sleep paralysis. I have for the past few years off and on. Usually every couple of months I’ll get a sleep paralysis dream. I’ve talked to my parents about it before. The f*ck up is not that they know.

The f*ck up is that I decided to try drawing what I saw over my bed last night. And then sent a picture to my mom.

Now, my parents are h*lla catholic. Like, homeschooled for 6 years and went to church everyday catholic. Like, when things go bad in life my dad wholeheartedly believes it’s the devil actively attacking us so we lose our faith. Which explains their reaction when I showed them this picture.

Cue the panicked phone call from my parents who now believe the devil visits me in my sleep. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with them trying to find a bible or a rosary so my mom could sleep without worrying my soul would be stolen. They want me to talk to a priest and get my house blessed and use holy water every time I enter. The next time I visit them, I may end up in an impromptu exorcism. Wish me luck.

A $500 Apology

So I had a hard day at work. I got off work before my bf came home and wanted a drink. Rifled thru our liquor cabinet and found some scotch. Didn’t think much of it and in the 4-5 hours before my bf came home, I had 3 glasses.

Bf comes home. Sees the bottle of scotch on the counter. Loses it. He won’t tell me how much the scotch was but says it was over 500 dollars. And I drank 3 glasses. He apparently had been saving that for a special occasion (he hadn’t told me, or mentioned it, it wasn’t in a box it was just sitting on the shelf with the rest of our liquor). Apparently, the scotch was aged 20+ years and I mixed it with coke. He’s beyond furious and devastated. I’ve promised to get him a new bottle but I’m definitely going to have to save up for it. Fml.

ohboyif*ckedupguys

The Topic of Moving On

Me and my wife “Pam” have been together for over 10 years. Recently, our friend “Kevin” (38M) started dating his new girlfriend. His wife passed away about 3 years ago. Pam and I were in bed together when she started talking about Kevin. She said that she was disappointed in Kevin for dating again so soon. She claimed that Kevin is disrespecting his wife’s memory by moving on to someone else.

I responded by saying that everyone processes the loss of a partner differently. I told her that I see no problem with Kevin moving on and I’m sure his wife would want him to be happy again. Pam looked shocked and asked me if I really didn’t see a problem with it. I told her that I had no issues with it, it is Kevin’s life after all. She asked me what I would do if she ever passed away. I told her that I can’t give a definitive answer because I’m not planning on that happening.

She continued to probe me and asked if I would ever date again or get re-married. I responded, “Probably. I love you to death and would be heartbroken if you died, but life goes on. I can’t stop living my life just because you’re gone.” She looked drained and said, “Am I really that easy to get over?” I told her, “Honey, that’s not what I meant. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love anyone else. I would want you to move on too if I died.” She just stared at the wall and said, “I get it.”

It’s been 3 days and Pam is still depressed over the whole thing. Her sister called me earlier today and trashed me for what I said. She said that I should’ve kept that to myself and I was a scumbag for basically telling Pam she can be replaced. Pam still won’t speak to me and everything is really tense around the house. Now Pam is fully convinced that I’m not in love with her and I’m just waiting for her to die so I can replace her with a new “toy.”

Buzzed for a Cause

So I have always had extremely long hair. Just yesterday it reached the floor when it was down. It was thick and healthy and well cared for. Recently my mother was diagnosed with cancer and it’s been a horrible time for all of us. She recently started her chemo treatments and no one is sure what’ll happen, but we all hope she’ll be okay. She began losing all her hair from the treatments, it wasn’t nearly as long as mine, but she still loved it and had really healthy hair. So I started talking with my boyfriend about donating it and we agreed I should. So yesterday I shaved my head completely bald even with a razor and everything. I had it all nicely separated and donateable and I went to a pretty highly regarded charity (I did ask if they could make one for my mother and they agreed). Afterwards, I went about my day. Then I went back home and me and soon after my boyfriend came home, he was shocked to find that I was bald and thought when I was donating it I’d only cut off a little bit. I thought this was weird since I mentioned buzzing everything off since my mother was bald as well. He said he never thought I’d do it. But we changed the subject quickly and ate dinner before going to bed. This morning I woke up when he was getting up for work and he told me he couldn’t be with a bald girl. I kindly reminded him it would grow back to which he replied that it would take too long. So he broke up with me and left my apartment. Leaving me alone, hairless, and scared.

A Recipe for Revenge

I was living with a roommate while I saved for my own place. My roommate was lovely (for the most part) but her little brother was always staying with us. Her brother was lazy, never did any chores at all and had pretty much turned the living room into his own personal bedroom without ever paying a cent in rent. As unbearable as that already was, he did the most annoying thing that any roommate could do which is stealing food.

He was CONSTANTLY stealing my food, pretty much every day. I confronted him a total of I think 3 times and every time I did, he would deny it or just laugh it off, blaming my forgetfulness or my boyfriend (who happened to be celiac so most of the things that disappeared were off limits for him). This drove me insane to the point that I eventually just bought my own fridge and put it in my bedroom.

As you can imagine, this did not stop him. My landlord was a jerk and I knew that asking him to deal with RM’s bro wouldn’t work however I did ask to install a lock on my bedroom door but he said he would only let me do it if I paid a fee. He was only asking me to pay something like $30 but I thought that was insane and refused.

Not wanting to p*ss off the landlord anymore, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I knew that my roommate’s brother was allergic to strawberries however I didn’t know how severe this allergy was. I also knew that he absolutely loved buffalo wings (because he’d taken them multiple times before) and later that night, in a blind rage, I decided to make some buffalo wings with… a secret ingredient.

Sure enough, my plan worked and I got a call at work from my sobbing roommate. She was in the back of an ambulance with her brother because he’d had an extremely severe allergic reaction. At the time she cussed me out for putting strawberries in buffalo wings and not warning anyone but what her brother failed to tell her is that he’d snuck into my bedroom to steal them. Once I told her this, she calmed down a bit and was just frustrated. I didn’t tell her that I’d done it on purpose but I’m sure she would’ve put 2+2 together at some stage.

Her brother was okay in the end although I did find out that he would’ve died if she weren’t home at the time. He never came back to the house after that and I only saw him one more time before I moved out two months later. I feel incredibly guilty that I could’ve cost him his life over some food but at the time, I thought the allergy was fairly minor and I’m sure he’s learnt his lesson about stealing food now.

Home Sweet Home?

My sister died 6 months ago from a heart condition. She practically raised me so it’s been difficult to deal with. I’m in my final year of University and have failed every single class this semester. She’d be disappointed but it is what it is. My sister never married and never had children. I lived with her near campus. She ran her successful side business, I got to help her occasionally as a paid intern. She worked a lot but not to support us, she wanted to retire by the time she was 40. She would’ve been done in 4 years and her heart had to fail her first.

When she died, her attorney read her will to me. She had left everything to me. She had a generous amount of money put away for her retirement and side accounts for various activities for her retirement. I did not know that she had made several real estate investments so she could continue living a comfy lifestyle once she retired. She left her 2006 Subaru to me and willed our current house to me as well. She left nothing to my parents but as they didn’t know she had assets, they willingly paid for the funeral and any other associated costs. My sister was in no contact with our parents and I’m in very low contact. We are their only two children.

At the funeral, my parents asked me how I was going to continue going to college without her money. I told them I’d continue to take out loans. They asked about my living arrangements and I shrugged, at the time I didn’t know all the details anyway. Well 2 weeks ago, I found out my parents tried to sell my sister’s house whilst I still lived there. They brought a realtor and toured our home and everything. it was all on the cameras set up in the home. When I called them and informed them I’d be calling the police, they explained the situation. I told them it’s my home and it was willed to me. They couldn’t sell it. They were confused heavily. I told them to meet at my attorney’s and set a time.

Cue today. My attorney explained the will to my parents. My mother went white as a sheet and my father was grumbling about suing me for his rightful money plus the cost of the funeral. My mother began ugly sobbing telling the attorney he was wrong, her daughter would not leave the house to someone like me. The attorney cut the meeting short and now we’re preparing for the inevitable lawsuit coming my way. I just want to sleep and avoid all of this.

Kicking the Baby Doll

I played a prank on my sister who is a new mom. My niece is 2 months old and I came by to help out around the house some.

I ended up hanging out all day and long after her husband came home from work. The baby was sleeping in a back room so my sister asked me to check on her.

After confirming that my niece was deeply asleep, I saw a nearby baby doll and got a wicked idea. I wrapped it up in blankets and took it back with me, rocking it the whole way.

When I got back, my brother-in-law was walking across the room in my direction. My sister was sitting on the couch. We locked eyes and I said, “She’s awake and…” and then I dropped the doll.

I was expecting my brother-in-law to look comical in a scramble to catch her but nope. He instinctively shot out his foot like he was trying to catch a hacky sack and kicked the doll across the living room and into the windows that overlooked the backyard!

My sister screamed and rushed to the doll while I laughed hysterically and my brother-in-law just stood there stunned. She cradled the doll, now realizing that it was just a joke, but still, she sobbed for a long time. She was so furious that she wouldn’t speak to either of us. When she was able, she fled to the back room and spent the night cuddling her daughter.

I spent the rest of my night consoling her husband who also thought it was pretty funny once the shock wore off. He was worried about my sister but she wasn’t letting either of us in so there wasn’t anything we could do about that.

She did message me this morning saying that she is going to stay with our mom until she cools down but that I’m still not to go to her house for any reason.

So yeah, she’s still pissed. At me for doing the prank in the first place and now she doesn’t think my brother-in-law “has it in him to be a good father”.

reddituser

Laughing with Tears

So there’s this girl I like at work, and we’re really good friends. We’re having lunch and we’re making those ironic depression meme jokes as most friends do. For some reason, I (in my unknowingly- stupid way to get her laugh) got the idea to say “Well hey, you know what’s just one letter away from sad? DAB!” and promptly did the deed. Also, I have the ability to cry on demand so I just stared stone-cold at her and let two tears fall down.

She finds it funny. Extremely funny. So funny she drops to the floor and starts laughing her a** off. After a good thirty seconds, she starts grabbing her chest and coughing. I asked if she was okay when she starts wheezing and begins to convulse a bit. Freaking the f*ck out and thinking she’s having a d*mn seizure, I start to reach for my phone.

And in that exact second, my manager randomly decides to come in and sees this big guy towering over this poor little girl on the floor. I only manage to cut off her impending rage by saying I think she’s having a seizure and I’m calling 911. Fortunately, I was able to explain to her what happened after the ambulance came.

Turns out she has asthma, and my joke caused a flare-up and was waving her arms to try to tell me to get her inhaler. Whoops.

reddituser

Oops! Double the Dough

My buddy and I ordered a pizza last night. Unaware that I already paid with my debit card, I walk to my door with $30 and gave him a 20% tip on top of that which had been paid online.

The driver was about in his mid 30’s, barely spoke English and he was driving a beat-up car. He said “Thank you!” very enthusiastically which made me realize in about 2 seconds that I just gave him double the money for the order, which he would obviously receive as a tip. I was about to admit my mistake and ask for the money back… before I saw his reaction while he was walking to his car.

He had a smile from ear to ear like he found the cure for Covid or struck gold or something. He even did this little mini-jump before he hopped into his car. I’m not exactly Bill Gates, I still have debts to pay, but I’m glad I f*cked up to help someone who needed the money more than I did.

Anyways, I felt pretty dumb after, but the joy I saw in that man-made my week. Not a very interesting story, but it was pretty cool for me, as my Dad moved to Canada from across the world with only a bike and a few hundred bucks.

Swipe Right Surprise

Basically, my boyfriend suffers from pretty low self-esteem, like it’s not like he’s too bothered about his looks but he rates himself a 5 out of 10 at best.

Obviously, I think he’s gorgeous and handsome but even though I’ve been saying this for years, he does not believe me. So, for some stupid reason, I decided to show him that other girls would find him attractive by making him a Tinder account. I set him up an account, make him a bio and just start swiping right.

After a day he got around a dozen matches on Tinder and after I showed this to him, I saw how he immediately became more confident and thanked me for the whole gesture.

Queue my surprise when a couple of days later I check the Tinder account I had basically forgotten after 24 hours, and I could see lots of messages sent to lots of the girls my bf had matched with.

I confronted him and he denied it but I mean these messages even included promises to meet each other. Obviously, we broke up and out of curiosity I checked the Tinder account again after a week and this breakup has clearly not slowed him down one bit. So now the Tinder I made for him not only broke us up but is now helping him navigate his newly single life loooooooool

The Shocking Twist

I decided to get tested to see if I could donate my kidney to my wife of 6 years. We have two kids together. My wife got sick just after our son was born and now is in need of a kidney transplant. We checked with her relatives and none were a match or a viable donor.

Last week I got tested. I knew it would be a long shot so I decided to get tested to see if I could donate. I got a call the other day saying that I was a match. The doctor then said something about wanting to do additional testing due to some information from the HLA tissue test results. I didn’t think much of it and agreed.

When the results came in I was shocked and confused. He explained that because of how DNA information is passed down through generations a parent to a child could have at least a 50% match. Siblings could have a 0-100% match. It was rare to have a high match as husband and wife. I asked what does that mean.

He said that my wife and I have an “abnormally high match percentage.”

Long story short we’re related. No, I’m not kidding. I was put up for adoption before I was born. Placed into a family that moved across the country. I knew I was adopted but we didn’t have any I formation about my bio family. It was a closed adoption.

I met my wife by chance 8 years ago. I was on a trip from work and she was working at the sight I went to. We worked together for a week. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch. I was sent back there 3 more times that year and each time we became closer. I was given the opportunity to be transferred out there in a new higher paying position in a different department than hers the rest is history.

I don’t know what to do moving forward but I know it may be wrong. She is my wife and the mother of our kids. This post is probably going to get removed but it is all true.

Drunk Guest Cost Me My Job

I work at a hotel bar in a large city. I worked a particularly slow day and during those shifts, I like to talk to the guests. One of them was a 22-year-old teacher who was traveling by herself and a guest of the hotel. I get cut early and I decide to go out for a couple of drinks. At a bar nearby, I see the guest – she is very clearly drunk and proceeds to throw up all over the bar. Now this part of town is kinda known for sleazy guys and she’s by herself – so I take her back to the hotel and get her in her room safe before anyone can take advantage of her. I leave her my number to text me when she’s awake to make sure she’s okay and she thanks me the next morning and explains she was blackout drunk and barely remembers any of the night. I thought that was the end of it – until my boss pulled me into a room and proceeded to fire me for “fraternizing with a guest”. I explained that I only got her to her room safe and was worried because she was young and alone, but nope. I’m officially unemployed now. For helping a drunk girl get back to her hotel okay.

Gold-Fudge-7042

A Precocious 6-Year-Old

So, my 6-year-old often likes to make up his own prayers at night time and it’s adorable.

So, tonight, he was kneeling at his bed in his jammies looking so cute I could just eat him.

Him: “Dear lord Jesus, please watch over me as I sleep tonight. Please look over Mommy and Daddy and teachers and friends too and the friends I haven’t met yet.

Thank you for dinner and inventing Minecraft…”

I chuckle lightly

Him: turning to me angrily “IT’S NOT FUNNY!!”

Me: “I’m sorry sweetie, I won’t do it again”

Him: resuming his prayer “And please don’t let my toys come alive tonight. Amen”

And he hopped into bed.

My stifled laugh sounded like a loud pig snorting, so I just laid my face down in his blankets and pretended like I was praying deeply as I tried to compose myself.

Then I got up quickly trying to hide my face, and I sneaked one last look to say good night as I shut the door and he was giving me the death glare.

Apartment Hunting

On Friday, I went to view an apartment. I had talked to the landlord on the phone and was seeing the apartment with the super. So I see the apartment, everything’s great, get an application, fill it all out and email it to the landlord.

I get a call from him a few hours later, just going over the details of my application and he offers me the apt. I’m going to go in on Monday to sign the lease.

Okay so now it’s Saturday night and I’m just swiping through Tinder and matching with a cute guy, in his mid-30s, (I’m 20). let’s call him Steve he messaged me, we flirt, and he comes over to my place. we have mediocre s*x at best, then he leaves to go home.

So Monday rolls around and I go to the apartment building to sign the lease and tie up any loose ends

I walk up to the building and Steve is standing outside with a woman and I see he has some papers in his hand.

The woman waves to me and introduces herself as Steve’s WIFE. steve looks totally chill, while I’m freaking inside but trying to remain calm. I did not sign up for this.

Anyway, I feel bad for his wife and I feel like a horrible person even though I had no idea that he was married. Can’t wait to live there for a whole year!

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Complimenting with Care

I have a co-worker that works in a separate department. In my old position, we had to communicate fairly regularly, but since changing positions I rarely see him. It has been about a year and a half since I have seen him and I was surprised to see him in my area today. He has lost about a hundred pounds so I thought it would be a nice gesture to recognize and compliment him. I said it was good to see him again and rather enthusiastically told him he looks great and to keep up the hard work. He responded with a cold smile, said it was nice running into me and just continued walking. We aren’t incredibly close but we usually stop for small talk, which I was completely expecting as I awkwardly stood in the hallway.

When I got back into my office I brought up the weight loss to my office-mate and said our coworker really looked great, and he was inspiring. My office-mate somberly responded that he was diagnosed with cancer and has been losing weight because of that.

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