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This Veterinarian’s Signs Will Have You Laughing Hysterically!

Yes, Yes It Is! For anyone who is a devout coffee enthusiast, this hits home. There is nothing that I can do in the morning before… MN Staff - JA - May 19, 2023

If you’re driving down the road and happen to see a veterinary clinic with a billboard sign out front that makes you groan out loud, chances are you’ve stumbled upon a clinic with a great sense of humor. This clinic has taken “dad jokes” to a whole new level by putting out a different silly pun or animal-related joke every single day. From “Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!” to “What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line!”, these jokes will have you laughing and cringing in equal measure.

And let’s be honest, when you’re on your way to the vet, you could probably use a good laugh. It’s a nerve-wracking experience for both pets and their owners, and the last thing you need is to be stressed out before you even get through the door. But with these pun-tastic billboards, you’ll be in a good mood before you even park your car. Who knows, maybe you’ll even start looking forward to your next visit. After all, who doesn’t love a good “pawsitive” joke?

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Image source: Carrol County Veterinary Clinic

Caesar Didn’t Stand a Chance

They say that any salad can be a Caesar salad as long as you stab it enough. I never believed it until I tried it myself. I took a plain old spinach salad and went to town on it with my fork. At first, I felt a little silly, but as I stabbed away, I began to feel like a salad samurai. The spinach leaves were wilting and collapsing under the pressure, but I kept going. By the time I was done, the salad looked like it had been through a blender. But you know what? It actually tasted pretty good! Who needs fresh greens when you can have a salad that’s been stabbed into submission?

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But I Really do Walk 6Miles Every Day

For those of you looking to fool everyone into thinking you exercise, this is brilliant. I used to go around telling people that I walked miles every day, but then I always felt guilty because I absolutely do not walk miles every day. At least if I named my dog 6miles, I might still feel guilty, but at least I would have the knowledge that I was at least partially telling the truth. And who knows, if I keep telling people I walk 6Miles everyday, I might become motivated to walk 6 actual miles every day.

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Yes, Yes It Is!

For anyone who is a devout coffee enthusiast, this hits home. There is nothing that I can do in the morning before I have my first cup of coffee. The moment I get out of bed, the only thing I can think of is starting up my coffee maker, and waiting patiently as it drips every last wonderful drop into my cup. I simply do not understand just how anyone can get up, take a shower, and get dressed all without a cup of Joe in tow. And what’s even worse is that there are actually people out there who do not drink coffee at all? As far as I’m concerned, you are not a human being if you do not drink coffee.

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I can spell, really I can!

It is no great secret that the English language is a bit strange; there are many words that are spelled in a way that just do not make sense and it makes me crazy! For example, “tough” should really be spelled “tuff,” “telephone” should be “telefone,” and “receipt” should be “recete”! So we can’t be too judgmental when people misspell “congratulations.” It’s almost as if those from the old world who created the English language were really drunk at the time and thought that it would be hilarious to watch further generations struggle daily trying to spell!

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It’s Cool to be Weird

We’ve been told for years that it is important to act in a proper manner, to be professional in the workplace, to conduct yourself like an adult, and to speak in clear and concise terms. This is why I miss the 1960’s and 70’s, because those were decades when it was not only okay to be a bit weird, but you were often expected to be, and that’s cool. There are just some times when being weird works because weird people can be funny; weird people can be interesting. And at the end of the day, we all need a bit of “weird” to balance out the mundaneness that is everyday life.

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Yuk, Yuk, Yuk!

I’ll admit, when I first heard that joke, I groaned. But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t stop laughing. I mean, can you imagine a kangaroo lounging around in its pouch, snacking on chips and binge-watching Netflix? It’s a pretty interesting mental image. And the name “pouch potato” is just perfect. Maybe they’re like me and they just enjoy lounging around all day, snacking on everything within reach? Either way, I can’t help but admire their relaxed lifestyle. I think we can all learn a thing or two from pouch potato kangaroos!

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The Magical Pen

I have a pen that’s so amazing, I’m pretty sure it’s from another dimension. Not only can it write underwater, but it can also write in space, on the moon, and even in my dreams. One time, I accidentally dropped it in a fish tank, but instead of sinking to the bottom, it just started writing a love letter to the goldfish. And when I tried to write my name on a piece of paper, the pen got bored and wrote a haiku about squirrels instead. So if you’re looking for a pen that’s just as unpredictable as you are, look no further than the magical underwater-writing wonder that’s sitting right here on my desk.

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Move on from The Chunk

Ah, the classic joke about shedding winter fat! It’s that time of the year when everyone is excited to flaunt their summer bodies, but some of us might need a little extra motivation to hit the gym. Yes, it’s time to bid farewell to those comfy layers of clothing and say hello to shorts, skirts, and swimwear. I know, I know, this is more a dream than a reality, and shedding that winter chunk is easier said than done with all those fast food joints in your neighborhood! The good news is that, with enough effort, we can say goodbye to those extra pounds and hello to a leaner, healthier physique in time to hit the beach!

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The Solution!

Have you ever had those days when you are just dragging along, fatigued and trying to make it through the day, while at the same time getting bombarded with the pain from a headache that makes jumping off of a bridge a solid proposition? I have, and it’s not pretty. The idea of combining ibuprofen and coffee creamer might be the best solution ever! Just think of it. You are getting the caffeine that you need in your cup of Joe, and you’re already adding the coffee creamer anyway. At the end of the day, you’ve killed two birds with one stone!

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Oh Well

Oh, the pain and agony involved in getting up to go to the gym early in the morning! Well, in this case, it looks like someone’s fitness goals just got postponed to next year’s resolution list! Losing an hour during daylight saving time can feel like a cruel trick, especially if it takes away the one hour you’ve set aside for the gym. I guess the only workout they’ll be getting now is the exercise of repeatedly pressing the snooze button on their alarm clock, as they struggle to adjust to the time change. On the bright side, they can use the extra hour of daylight to chase their dog around the park.

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Deal With It

If only life were like a Disney movie where pets lived forever, money grew on trees, and you could eat as much cake as you like without getting fat. But alas, in reality, we’re stuck with pets who age too quickly, a bank account that always seems to be in the red, and love handles for days from our addiction to sweets. It’s like a cruel joke played by the universe. “Here, have some happiness,” it says. “But also have some extra love handles to go with it.” It’s a given that we will have to deal with as much adversity in life as we do happiness, but in the end, it is the adversity that makes the happiness that much sweeter!

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Yep!

We’ve all been there – browsing on Amazon, adding things to our cart and then hesitating at checkout, thinking “do I really need this?” But for some of us, that hesitation turns into a save-for-later abyss that grows larger with each passing day. And before we know it, our carts are worth more than a small island in the Caribbean. Who needs a private beach when you have 1.2 million dollars worth of random items saved on Amazon? Maybe we’ll finally pull the trigger and buy that giant inflatable unicorn or the 20-pack of rainbow socks someday, but until then, we’ll just keep adding to our cart and dreaming of a world where money is no object and prime shipping is always free.

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Etch A Sketch

Do you ever feel like your memory is a little too similar to an Etch A Sketch? You remember something perfectly fine one moment, but as soon as you try to recall it later, it’s like you shook your head and all the memories disappeared into thin air. It’s like we need a mini artist inside our brains to constantly etch and sketch every little detail we encounter, just so we don’t forget anything important. But even then, there’s always the risk of accidentally shaking our heads and erasing everything!

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You Can Have That Worm

Why bother waking up early to get ahead in life when you can just hit snooze and stay in bed? I mean, who needs success when you can have a few extra hours of sleep, am I right? Plus, what’s the point of being productive in the morning when you can just procrastinate all day instead? It’s not like success is worth the effort or anything. So, go ahead, hit that snooze button and revel in your laziness. The early bird may get the worm, but the late riser gets the last laugh – and a few extra z’s.

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Systems Down

As someone who is constantly plagued with anxiety, the idea that all of my systems could be nervous is a little too relatable; there are times when I feel like just a bundle of frayed nerves, barely holding it together. My circulatory system hyperventilating; my digestive system in knots. It’s like my body is throwing a giant pity party and all of my organs are invited. But then again, maybe it’s just a case of overthinking things. Maybe my systems are just really excited, and they’re doing that nervous laugh thing people do when they’re trying to be cool. Either way, my nervous systems need a spa day or a long vacation in a quiet, stress-free environment.

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And My Dating Life

What’s at the bottom of the ocean and shivers? A nervous wreck – and coincidentally, also my dating life. It seems like every time I dip my toes into the dating pool, I end up feeling like a shaky mess at the bottom of the ocean. The constant uncertainty, the ups and downs, the pressure to make a good impression – it’s enough to make anyone feel like a jittery fish out of water. And let’s not forget about the sea monsters – I mean, bad dates – that can lurk beneath the surface. But hey, at least I can rest easy knowing that if things don’t work out, I can always blame it on my nerves and not my lack of charm.

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The Truth

Ah, the old adage about how having pets will prepare you for parenthood. Dogs are loyal, loving, and always eager to please – much like a newborn baby. They require constant attention, need to be fed and potty-trained, and can make a mess at any given moment. Cats, on the other hand, are independent, aloof, and prone to mood swings – much like a surly teenager. They’ll ignore you until they need something, demand to be fed on their own schedule, and give you the stink-eye if you interrupt them in any way shape or form.

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Only a Pun

This is yet another pun that doesn’t really have any substantial meaning, just a silly play on words. If we wanted to, we could get all philosophical and go on about how dentists are people too. We could remark that they themselves will have problems with their teeth from time to time, so we should give them a break. Or we should encourage the public to view their dentists as fellow human beings who are doing their best to care for their patients’ oral health. But c’mon now people, it’s really not that serious, it’s just a silly pun…

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What! No Caffeine!

Decaf coffee – the caffeine-free, flavorless cousin of the real thing. Some people swear by it, but others (myself included) wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole. As for the quote “there’s a time and a place for decaf coffee; never, and in the trash” – well, I cannot think of a more perfect quote. If you’re going to drink coffee, why bother with decaf? It’s like ordering a burger with no meat, or going to a concert just to hear the opening act. Sure, it might be technically “coffee,” but it’s missing the one ingredient that makes it worth drinking in the first place – the caffeine!!!

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Just Feed Me Ya Dope

I’ve been living with my furry friend for years now, and I still can’t help but wonder what name he’s given me in his doggy mind. Maybe he thinks of me as “Treat Dispenser” or “Sofa Buddy,” or maybe he’s gotten creative and come up with something like “Master of the Belly Rub.” Heck, for all I know, he’s been secretly calling me “Steve” this whole time. In reality, he may have named me “Dope” because he’s always telling me, “Just feed me ya dope.” In the end, it’s a mystery that may never be solved, but as long as he keeps wagging his tail and cuddling up next to me, I don’t really care what he thinks my name is.

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It’s All Cats and Dogs

This is a humorous way of contrasting the personalities of dogs and cats. We all know that dogs are often seen as happy-go-lucky and content to go along with whatever their owners want, while cats are often perceived as independent and self-driven. Cats are all about exploring their surroundings and taking control of the situation, rather than simply enjoying the ride. This makes me ponder the question, which are you more like, a dog that is more of a dependent follower always in need of his owner’s approval, or a cat who is all about that independence?

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The “Boosy” Ghosts

You see, ghosts may be great at haunting old houses and scaring people, but when it comes to holding their liquor, they just can’t handle their boos. They tend to get a little too spirited after just one drink and before you know it, they’re floating through walls and knocking over lamps. And don’t even get me started on the ghostly hangovers – they’ll have you moaning and groaning all day long. So, if you ever find yourself at a spooky party with some ghostly friends, just remember: don’t let them convince you to take a sip of ectoplasmic moonshine. It’s just not worth it.

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A Happy Place, Right?

One door closes and another opens. That’s the beauty of life, isn’t it? You might be down on your luck one day, but the next day, a new opportunity could come knocking on your door and lead you in a new direction. But the real simile here is that the door that opens is really leading to a haunted house much in the way that open doors in life can lead to a dark and terrifying place. And while that may be true at times, we’re not really here for that. This is a list of happiness and fun, and that means that all open doors will lead to a positive place, eventually. At least that’s what we’re hoping for!

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Yum, yum, yum…

Now that’s a clever play on words! If you cannot see it at first, “Insomnomnomnomia” combines “insomnia,” which is the inability to sleep, with the sound of someone eating (“nom, nom, nom”). While it’s not an actual medical condition, many people do turn to food when they can’t sleep, (myself included), as eating can be a way to distract oneself from restlessness or anxiety. I know that it’s important to find healthy coping mechanisms for insomnia, but those late-night Snicker’s ice cream bars are just so nom, nom, nom. I cannot help myself!

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A Love Story

The love story of the two blood cells was one for the ages. They were the perfect match, each complementing the other in every way possible. They spent their days circulating the body, always searching for each other in the hope of sharing a sweet embrace. Unfortunately, their love was doomed from the start. As much as they tried to be together, the body had other plans. They were torn apart time and time again, forced to live their lives without the other. In the end, their love was all in vein. But hey, at least they got to travel to some cool organs along the way.

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“Catscan”… Get it?

This is a great pun to describe the personalities of dogs and cats. The dog would be fumbling around, distracted by every little sound and smell, while the cat would be cool headed and focused on the task at hand. It’s ironic because dogs, who are the much smarter species, are always portrayed as being the dopey opposite to the much cooler and sophisticated cat. Dogs are always clumsily running around, making noise and bumping into things as they fight for your attention, while the cat calmly slinks his way onto your lap with an effortless grace, where he gives you the look that it is now petting time, and you had better hurry up about it!

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Feeling the Need to Itch

While a four-leaf clover is considered a symbol of good fortune, poison ivy is definitely not! Mixing the two seems like a recipe for disaster, but the idea of a “rash of good luck” is an amusing play on words. It is saying that even when things seem bad, there may be a silver lining or unexpected benefit to be found, and there’s nothing wrong with that! So, next time you come across some poison ivy, don’t be too quick to write it off – it might just bring you some good luck! Or, you know, a really itchy rash…

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The Feline Always Wins

Ah, the timeless struggle of the cat owner. You hear the faint sound of paws padding across the hardwood floor, and then a paw on your face. You crack open one eye to see your cat staring at you intently, as if to say, “Hey, wake up, it’s breakfast time.” You try to ignore it and hit the snooze button on your alarm, but there’s no snooze button on a cat that wants breakfast. You resign yourself to getting up and feeding your feline overlord, knowing that resistance is futile. After all, the cat always wins.

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That’s One Way to Get a Workout!

Ah, the classic spiderweb workout routine. You know what they say: “no pain, no gain.” And in your case, the pain came in the form of a sticky spiderweb wrapped around your face. But hey, at least you got some cardio out of it! Who needs a gym membership when you can just stroll through the great outdoors and run into some arachnid silk? And let’s not forget the added bonus of building up your reflexes as you frantically swat at your face to get rid of the web. Maybe this spiderweb workout will become the next big fitness craze. Watch out, Peloton!

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The Eternal Struggle

Ah, the eternal struggle of trying to eat healthy. You fill your cart with fruits and veggies, whole grains, and lean protein, and you feel like a champion. But then, out of nowhere, a candy bar appears, mocking you with its chocolatey goodness. You try to resist, but it’s like it’s calling your name. “Come on,” it whispers, “one little bite won’t hurt.” And before you know it, you’ve given in to temptation, and you’re left feeling guilty and defeated. So, you vow to start again tomorrow, and the candy bar just sits there, smugly satisfied that it won this round.

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That Sudsy Taste

Well, that’s one way to tell if someone’s ever had the pleasure of washing a furry friend! It’s a rite of passage for any dog owner, and you haven’t truly experienced it until you’ve gotten a mouthful of sudsy shampoo. And let’s not forget the acrobatics involved in keeping your dog in the tub and avoiding getting soaked in the process. But, in the end, it’s all worth it for that clean, fluffy coat and the affectionate cuddles that come afterward. So, if you haven’t tasted shampoo yet, maybe it’s time to give your furry pal a good scrub and join the club!

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The Perfect Simile

Ah, life is like a game of chess. You know, that complex game with all those fancy moves that no one really understands? Yeah, that’s pretty much life in a nutshell. It’s like we’re all just pawns, blindly stumbling around the board, hoping to make it to the other side without getting taken out by a rook or a bishop. So yeah, life is like a game of chess, and most of us don’t have a clue how to play. But hey, at least we can pretend we know what we’re doing, right? The whole, “fake it till you make it” thing? Just move a few pieces around and hope for the best.

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The Mighty Labrathor!

Ah, the mighty Labrathor, the superhero of the dog world! With his trusty hammer, he defends his territory from those pesky squirrels and mailmen. He’s not just any ordinary Labrador, he’s a god among dogs, with lightning-fast reflexes and an unbreakable will. When he’s not fighting crime, you can find him lounging in his luxurious dog bed, surrounded by adoring fans. He’s the Avenger of the dog park, the defender of chew toys, and the protector of all that is good and doggy. All hail Labrathor!

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