6. A not-so-holy father needed help with some personal issues.
Even people of the cloth need medical attention every now and again. And like every patient, their information is kept confidential according to the rules of HIPAA. That doesn’t stop medical doctors from seeing some interesting cases, however. So interesting that it would make one question why people even become priests in the first place when they choose not to adhere to the rules of the church.
“I once had a patient that was a catholic priest that developed a skin rash. He was treating it with that spray Clorox cleanup solution which, of course, only made it worse. When asked about the rash, he said he caught it from his wife and then pleaded with us not to report him to the head of his church since he’s not supposed to be married. Obviously, we can’t report things like that due to privacy laws. It turns out his “wife” was a hooker that was also one of our patients (unbeknownst to either of them). FYI, Clorox spray, when applied liberally and directly to your genitalia, WILL cause burns.” – [deleted]
5. Sharing a room in the hospital can be complete hell.
These ER stories are a bit insane, but the worst are yet to come! Sometimes, it can be a good idea to room two patients together, as they can develop a friendship, especially if they don’t have people coming to visit them on a regular basis. Having such interactions may actually help patients get better over time. Or, like this lucky staff member, lead to some interesting conversations. Some of which that they’re not likely to forget for the rest of their lives. Often though, having this interaction is forced, like in this horror story.
“Not ER, but once I took care of the same two patients for three days in a row, and they were separated only with a curtain. On the third day, the nice old man gets distraught and goes, “Nurse! Nurse! I’m so worried I haven’t had a bowel movement in 3 days!!” I inform him that he just had one yesterday. And he relaxes and smiles and replies that he forgot. From behind the curtain, my other patient yells, “I REMEMBER!!!” – Notexpiredyet
When it comes to conditions involving “down there,” people can be hesitant to talk to their doctors about it out of fear that there’s something terribly wrong or they’re just too embarrassed. It’s easy to feel that way because it’s not something you discuss with another person on a regular basis, but letting your doctor know what’s wrong is the best way to receive treatment. Unfortunately for this patient, she was doing everything right… save for her choice in men.
“Once worked with a girl who seemed to have a near-constant UTI. She hated that she’d finish the treatment for it, finally get back to having sex with her boyfriend. Then a couple of weeks later, she would have a UTI again. I told her it was a small thing, but did she pee after sex? She says, oh no, I hadn’t thought of that. Then one day, it came up in conversation that the alcoholic boyfriend she had unprotected sex with had a couple of really nice lady friends that he usually hung out with before she got off work. Girl, I think we might have solved your mystery.” – PrettyBird2011
3. Colonoscopies are a messy job, but somebody has to do them.
Prepping to go to a scheduled appointment can be daunting; it can give us tunnel vision to the point that we forget everything else going on around us. After all, we don’t want to end up late and having to wait around even longer or forget something that our doctors told us to do before showing up. We’re so singularly focused that we end up not paying attention to the things around us. This next patient definitely hadn’t been doing so when he headed to a colonoscopy appointment.
“A patient who was taking a colonoscopy prep overdid it and got to vomiting … just when diarrhea kicked in. Eventually, exhausted and empty but feeling better, he thought he’d try to get approved to go ahead with the colonoscopy instead of wasting the prep. I said, ok, if he went to the ED and got checked out for dehydration/infection. He hopped into the shower, cleaned off in a hurry, and came to see me. Having failed to notice that he used his teenage daughter’s fancy silly glitter body wash. This big, macho, muscular conservative-looking 50-year-old man, glittering like Edward from Twilight.” – procrast1natrix
2. Slipping and falling on a spork is a crazy ER story.
No one thinks that eating utensils, outside of knives, are usually pretty safe to be around. No one would expect that a simple spoon or fork would result in a grievous injury. This patient learned that the hard way, unfortunately, and had to end up at the ER. But that wasn’t the end of the story. In fact, it gets a little more embarrassing. The medical staff treating him were doing their best not to rub the proverbial salt into his wound. But then, they saw what was still attached to the offending utensil.
“My ex was a nurse, and she once attended an emergency surgery of a guy who had been stabbed with a spork- the spoon-terminus, mind you. The instrument was still stuck in his chest when he arrived at the hospital. For some reason, on the fork-side of the spork, there was a little piece of Wiener Wurst attached. The surgeon’s hand trembled from laughter during the whole operation. When asked during recovery about what happened, the guy said he’d slipped while eating dinner and fell on the spork. However, the authorities suspect there was something more sinister going on.” – EPIC_BOY_CHOLDE
1. Getting trampled by a horse, and bringing the stallion with you to the ER.
Doctors and nurses like to be fully informed about the situations their patients are in. Gathering all of the facts necessary can help them to decipher exactly what the problem is. However, there are some proofs of evidence that don’t need to be brought in, as this next story demonstrates. Why the husband of the patient thought this was a good idea was beyond anyone’s comprehension. Not to mention that the poor culprit was also spooked out of its mind.
“Not a nurse, but when I was a paramedic, we had a woman who was trampled by a horse. She was in really bad shape. Her husband assumed the doctors would need to see the horse for some reason? He brought the horse in a trailer and tried to trot the thing in through the ambulance bay, and tied it to a gurney. It was chaos, and the horse was panicking from all the commotion. Wasn’t funny until the next day. Also, this was a major urban hospital, not the suburbs or a rural area.” – foreignqueso89