21. A medical professional is impressed by a talented man with schizophrenia.
“I work in a mental health facility. The weirdest kid we’ve had was this polite, quiet kid who would stay awake for days making these figurines out of toilet paper, soap, basically whatever he could find in his room. He was maybe 21 years old. However, would also smear soap all over the mirror and window in his room. He refused to wear clothes, so only the male staff (pun) could handle him (more pun). This guy talked in this quiet voice about religion, that dragons were coming alive, that the walls were moving, and that the other patients could read his mind.
One day, after agreeing to wear clothes, he went into the common room. There was this piano there. At this point, he had been there for three months, and everybody on staff liked him and was rooting for him to have a breakthrough. Now, he went over to the piano, stared at it for a while, and then sat down. Then he proceeded to just magically play the thing for hours. He was extremely talented. A couple of weeks later, he had a breakthrough, possibly because of the piano playing, and he was sent to this juvenile schizophrenics center, which is way more relaxed than the supermax I worked at. What a nice kid.” – DarkPasta
20. Smoking with teenagers was a bad idea for this lady.
“I work in the Emergency Room, and one day, we had a 54-year old psychiatric patient come in. She ran away from her care home without pants on. She was hanging out with some local teenagers who were smoking. The smoke made her start hearing voices, so naturally, chest pain ensued. She was afraid to step into the ambulance and stare at the light, talking about how hot she was for 20 minutes to the hospital. She was easily 300 lbs with a face covered in dried spaghetti or something. It then took half an hour to convince her to step out of the ambulance because she was afraid it was going to hurt.
Now once out of the ambulance, she proceeded to insert her fingers into her anus. She then proceeded to pull them out and lick them. Rinse and repeat. It took us ten more minutes to convince her it was safe to enter the hospital. She was thoroughly convinced it would hurt to go into the hospital. This poor woman’s delusions were keeping her from getting some much-needed help. Once we got her into triage, she calmed down, and we were able to safely get her back into her care home with the help of staff she recognized. I hope they can keep her in the care facility without any further issues.” – TheCanadianteabag
“I used to be a psych tech (CNA) during nursing school. Every patient I encountered was ‘Weird,’ but the one that stands out to me the most was a female with schizophrenia. She would pee on our unit, literally anywhere. She would come running out of her room butt naked, pop a squat, and drain the main vein in the middle of the hallway with everyone watching. Same patient-another day, she turned her call light on, so I went to check on her. I walked in to find her in the bathroom with urine in a cup. She called it her ‘magic juice’ and proceeded to drink it.
I felt for that woman. She couldn’t help herself, and the psychiatric center kept her safe from harming herself or others. I have many stories to tell of ‘weird patients.’ Psych patients amaze me. I loved working in this field but sadly left due to the pandemic. My health and state of mind are more important than having a job, at least for the moment. If I had to choose a path to follow, I would go back to the psychiatric center before choosing something else. Every day is interesting, and I was never bored or tired of my job when working there.” – Redacted name of user
18. A fake cancer patient gets busted by this medical professional.
“I work in my local hospital. We once had a fake cancer patient. The patient would go around claiming he had pancreatic cancer and blood clots all over his body. He also claimed that he had a rare genetic disorder that made him resistant to coumadin. He would come with stacks of medical records. The guy had me convinced. He went as far as getting a chemo port surgically implanted in his chest. He did, however, trip my radar for crazy, and I googled him. I found a plethora of information and brought up an article about how he scammed many hospitals and even convinced physicians to give him chemo.
This medical professional wasn’t fooled by a patient. He figured out the patient was lying the entire time after finding a news article about him. It makes you wonder why people do things like this? Was he doing it for attention, or did he have some kind of medical condition that made him go that far with a lie? I guess we’ll never know. But I hope the man was treated accordingly for the reasoning behind his lie instead of tossed to the curb or asked to leave the hospital. Now, I understand why doctors ask so many questions during medical exams.” –freedomfrommyself
“I don’t know if I’m allowed to answer as I only just finished my third year in medical school (We started clinical rotations) but, we did have a few very interesting cases in our rotations. The first was the usual ‘I fell on something’ – anal penetration gone the wrong case, except it was a Barbie doll… So that was kind of amusing. Number two that stands out was an infected genital modification. It was swollen like grapefruit and discharging something awful. I don’t know how it got like that, but I’m guessing there was shame involved. We had our attending supervise a removal and IV antibiotics for that one.
The smell was almost unbearable. The patient healed, but it’s certainly something I’ll never forget. Well, that was something I probably won’t be able to top for a few years. We also had a pain seeker who insisted she was a member of the band One Direction. She claimed she needed narcotics to make the screaming girls go away. That was creative on her part. There was nothing wrong with this woman other than the fact she made up lies and strange stories to get narcotics. I’m still early on in my career, so I’m sure I’ll have a lot more interesting stories as the years go by.” – shutyourfcknface
16. This is why medical education is extremely important.
“I’m a receptionist at a doctors’ clinic. During my second week, a very distressed guy approached the counter and told me in a whisper that he had just found out his housemate was homosexual and that he needed to see a doctor right away to get the ‘appropriate tests’ done. He said that he’d moved out already but was worried because he’d used the same cutlery and light switches as his housemate. I don’t know what he thought he’d caught, but I was speechless! I squeezed him in with the most scathing, sarcastic doctor. And I hope they were able to explain things to him.
It’s important to educate yourself when it comes to all aspects of your health. This man wholeheartedly believed he would get an STD or HIV just from sharing a house with his homosexual roommate. It’s sad to think he didn’t have the proper education and lost a possible friendship because of his lack of knowledge in those areas. Just to be clear, you can’t get an STD from just sharing a home with someone. In any case, his sexual orientation shouldn’t have mattered, and this man should apologize to his former roommate. He certainly didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.” – dirtsworth
“I’m an EMT. We picked up a guy from a local McDonald’s. The guy had tripped and lacerated his arm on a parking block, bleeding everywhere. The thing was, he was hardcore tripping on some sort of hallucinogen. The patient didn’t take kindly to my partner, so I treated him. The whole time I was being verbally/sexually harassed while trying my best to keep a bandage on the guy’s arm. Normally I would NOT put up with that crap, but this time I couldn’t stop laughing because the guy was talking in a squeaky Mickey-Mouse-type voice. It was Hilarious.
The cop I grabbed to go along. (I’m a rather petite chick EMT and was not risking it alone with a 300 lb crazy guy). And he nearly peed himself laughing. The guy continued to harass me to the hospital, even after the police officer told him to back off. Once there, we handed him over to the hospital staff and warned them he was under the influence. It was unprofessional to laugh at him, but I just couldn’t help myself. I hope he was able to get the laceration handled, and hopefully, he will think twice about taking drugs after such an eventful trip to the hospital.” – Redacted name of user
“One night, dispatch comes in for a male patient suffering a heart attack. We head out with an ambulance and an engine (firefighters are great at lifting heavy things) and arrive a few minutes later. It’s a nice-looking house in a good part of town, so we head through the door and what we see in no way matches the expectations. There are two very fat, very hairy, very naked men lying on the floor. One keeps saying, ‘my brother! My brother is having a heart attack!’ so we get to work on the other unconscious male. We put some leads on him and check the monitor — normal heart rhythm—no signs of a heart attack.
It was about that time we noticed the many empty bottles of alcohol and crack pipes. The unconscious male awakens from his slumber, angrily believing that we are trying to kill him. According to the tapes, it took about three minutes from our distress call over the radio until every cop in the county showed up at that doorstep. It felt like forever, trying to keep two sumo wrestler-sized men from killing us. But the police did arrive, and everyone had an uneventful trip to the hospital. Thanks to the armed police officer sitting with us in the back of the rig.” – foghorn5950
13. Harassment is not okay for medical professionals — or anyone.
“I am a Cardiology Technologist, though I have had many very odd situations. One of the worst is this little elderly man I see for yearly follow-ups. He always arrives wearing a Hawaiian – style button-up and oversized rice hat. The guy has Nazi tattoos and is not ashamed to show or talk about it – he is very proud of it. He also likes to be very overly flirty and touchy. He has been physical with coworkers. This gentleman has a pick-up line he uses on me (my name is Kat). “Do people ever call you kit kat? Because you’re sweet as chocolate.”
Needless to say, his chart has been flagged. My boss deals with him now and likes to pick him apart on his Nazi views even though it is professionally wrong. I refuse to be harassed, so I decided to just stay away from him and let my boss handle his appointments after dealing with years of harassment. I’ll never understand why people believe that kind of behavior is appropriate, especially with women. Also, why would he be proud of such atrocities and show off those tattoos? Whenever he comes in, I act like I need to see another patient just to get away from him.” – DuskAndSummer
“Hi there! I’m a Registered Nurse. I had a patient whom I was sitting for (one on one care for patients with safety risks). He was an older man that was delirious after surgery. He constantly tried to get up out of bed, which is why I had to sit in the room and watch him. At one point, I was taking his vital signs, and he began staring at my nametag very intently. There was silence for a moment, and then he looked at me with the brightest of eyes (though he seemed to be staring off into space and not looking at anything).
He began to sing,’Bum ba dum bum! [insert my full name hereeeeeeeeeee] What a loveeeely nammmeeee!”’ Then, thirty minutes later, I knocked over his call light, and he screamed ‘YOU B****’ at me aggressively. His delirious state caused an aggressive reaction, and I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable in the room with him. I was glad when I was relieved after my shift by the next nurse in rotation. I hope she didn’t have the same problems with him that I had to deal with. Even the nicest patients can snap and leave you feeling uncomfortable. I have tons of stories I could tell you.” – cittacitta
“I have multiple stories, but I will share the one that shook me up the most. So, I was a radiographer at a trauma center for a few years. I had to report to the trauma bay whenever a trauma alert was called. Each trauma alert would have a short description of what we were getting. TRAUMA ALERT: PEDIATRIC BURN. This was the second burn that I was going to see. The first one I had seen was a man that had mildly burned himself with a turkey fryer. This burn was terrifying. It was a 14-year-old girl that had gotten into a fight with three other girls over a boy.
The three girls had gotten upset at the 14-year-old girl, held her down in the middle of the road, and set her on fire. Meanwhile, I’m waiting for this patient with a trauma doctor and several nurses. I had no idea what to say. I had only been doing this kind of work for a year or so. She passed away a few minutes later. That night, when I got home from work, I went into my one-year-old’s room and woke him up to hug him and love him. My wife came in asking what was going on, and I just told her that I needed this.’ – Redacted name of user
“Does veterinary medicine count? While on my large animal rotation, we had a cow come in that hadn’t normally been acting. About a week ago, they pulled a calf from her and thought that was the end of it. It wasn’t. They hadn’t checked, and a dead calf remained in her, which had been macerating and autolyzing in the uterus. When she came to the hospital, we put her on the tilt table and adjusted it so that she was on her back. I clipped her abdomen, and as I was scrubbing it, the foulest smelling fluid would squirt out of her v******.
The surgeon exteriorized the uterus (which was enormous), and as he cut into it, a huge wave of fluid, bones, and clumps of hair poured out of it towards us. The smell was so bad it took all I could not vomit. I then had to run over and collect the bones and hair clumps so they wouldn’t get stuck in the machinery and damage it. The entire hospital (which is huge, mind you) stunk afterward. It was by far the most disgusting experience of my life. I see some crazy things daily, but this was the worst.” – elapsedecho
9. The tragedy of gun violence for medical professionals.
“By now, I’ve become accustomed to the sight/sound/smell of almost anything. So, the things that get to me are the emotionally difficult cases. My worst: One of the first few times I was in the ER, there was a large gang-related shooting. Among the people to come in was a 7-month pregnant woman who had been standing in the crowd that got sprayed with bullets. She was shot in the back and side of her abdomen. She was bleeding internally on a massive scale. After liters and liters of saline and lots of blood, the decision was made to take the child out.
So, the OBs rushed down to the ER from upstairs. As they were doing their thing, the massive hemorrhage became overwhelming, and emergency procedures were initiated. These are brutal. In this case, it involved cracking open the thoracic cavity in an attempt to manually beat the heart by hand. A few minutes later, she was gone. Later, I found out that the baby was affected by sickle cell anemia and that there was no one else to take custody of the child, so it went to foster care. I rarely cry, but this was one of those times. Compartilization is important in this line of work.” – The_Literal_Doctor
8. A guy, a girl, and a one-legged man walk into a bar… but they end up at the ER.
“I don’t like telling the worst on my category of ‘f***** up.’ I’ll stick to ‘f***** up but funny.’ I was suturing the arm of a guy who said his Bi*ch bit him. Then a female patient was brought in (her head was cut), and the guy points and yells: ‘THAT bi*ch!’ Also, a one-legged man (bruises) and a woman (shot in the leg) were brought to the ER. When I asked the usual ‘how did you get hurt?’ the woman begins: We were in a bar, and I said, ‘hey one-legged guy, pass me the salt. So the one-legged guy got angry because I called him one-legged, and he shot me!.’
Then the guy continues:’Who the f*ck shoots a woman? Right? You just don’t shoot a woman!’ My colleague and I looked at each other, completely puzzled, trying to figure out: 1) why the heck did the guy shoot if he thinks that way? 2) Why did the woman come to the ER with him? And more importantly, 3) is he still armed? We were about to call security when we finally understood. There was another one-legged man at the bar, who shot the woman after being called one-legged; then the present one-legged man, who happens to be the woman’s significant other, shot the guy to teach him not to shoot women.” – DocInternetz
“I’m a medicine resident. As a med student, I was working on Trauma surgery, and a guy comes in with a gunshot wound to his buttock. He came in through the side entrance with a bloody wound, but it looked pretty superficial. So after cleaning it up, we decide to use a VAC dressing to help it heal. VACs are sponges covered in plastic, which you put over the wound, then hook up to suction to help the healing. It only works with a good seal. We spend forever sealing up the sponge, then turn on the suction, but it doesn’t work.
All we heard was this weird whistling noise. We start checking the seal and the tubing, trying to find the leak. Finally, one of my colleagues says, ‘Guys, I figured it out.’ He sticks his finger in the patient’s bum, and the whistling stops. The bullet must have nicked the rectum, which we hadn’t seen until then. As an internal injury, the poor guy ended up with a much bigger surgery to repair his rectum. I’m sure there are other stories I could tell, but this is the one that I’ll remember forever compared to everything else I see every day.” – TheBear83
“I thought of another one! This teenage boy came in with a split philtrum up to his nose. The philtrum is the indent above the upper lip. He was in a lot of pain, and we were waiting to hear how this happened. As it turns out, he was riding a four-wheeler without a helmet and smacked into a tree. We noticed he had on a hospital gown from another hospital and asked what happened. So, it turns out he was at another hospital, got mad at the wait time, then his Dad drove him here where he thought the wait time would be shorter.
Now here is the funny part. The gown he was wearing had four or five little holes in it. We decided not to ask but were able to figure out what happened. They were cigarette burns. He put a cigarette in his mouth while they drove to our hospital. You can normally hold a cigarette in your mouth, but since his philtrum was split, it couldn’t support it. The cigarette fell out of his mouth and burned his gown each time he tried to put it back in his mouth. The situation got a good chuckle out of everyone, including the patient and his Dad.” – Redacted name of user
5. Freak accidents always lead to the ER and medical attention.
“My mother is an RN and has a high tolerance for all things nasty, so she would always end up treating the patients that no one else wanted. Here are a few of the stories she told me. A man was driving behind a truck with glass panels strapped to the back of it. Somehow, one of the glass panels managed to fall off the truck and shoot straight through the guy’s windshield, slicing a huge part of his face off. The saddest part was that he was engaged to be married in a couple of weeks. He suffered from pretty severe brain damage and was never the same. They still got married, though.
Here’s another one. A woman was changing a tire on the side of a road when a truck passed her. She was wearing a scarf, and it got stuck in the wheel of the truck. She was dragged 60 feet on her back before she was able to free herself. There was no skin on her back, only muscle. My mom was the only one who could change her dressings without getting nauseous. Also, she was pregnant at the time. She made a full recovery, though, and her baby was fine. My Mother was happy to help this woman recover and meet her baby after she was born.” – mxeyr
“I have a story along the same lines, but it’s not medically oriented. My father is an old school hard a**. He is Hard-drinking, hard-hitting, strong as a bull type. If you imagine Clint Eastwood in one of his movies, that’s my Dad. A year or so before I was born, he was out back chainsawing a tree when the tree broke, and the chainsaw slipped off and gored his thigh deeply. My father wasted no time, and instead of going to the hospital, he asked my mother for a sewing needle, hydrogen peroxide, whiskey, and thread.
Taking a few shots to numb the pain, he disinfected the wound and needle then proceeded to sew himself back up. Afterward, he went back out and finished chopping up the tree. My mother told me this story once I was old enough to hear it, probably around 14 years old. I couldn’t believe my Dad went back out there and finished up his work while in that much pain. He showed me the scar, and it was pretty gnarly. I later learned he missed his femoral artery by inches and had that happened. I would most likely not be here.” – Mr_Incredible_PhD
3. This medical professional knows puppies for profit is never okay.
“I used to be a veterinary technician working for an emergency clinic. We had a breeder come in with her very ill and pregnant Boston terrier. The dog was in severe dystocia (meaning she was trying but could not give birth). The doctor palpated her and could tell there were four puppies alive and very ready to come out (one even sucked on her finger). However, the puppies were positioned in such a way that would have made natural birth impossible, so the dog needed a c-section. We informed the owner of this, along with providing an estimate for the surgery.
She broke down the math out loud. Figuring out how much money she would make off the puppies if they all survived. She determined it wasn’t worth it for the surgery since she wouldn’t make a profit. Then, she promptly told us to just put the mother down because she’ll just get a new dog and start over. She was willing to essentially kill five animals because it wasn’t profitable enough for her. Don’t worry. We had her surrender the dog. The mother and puppies made it out okay and were all adopted by lovely families. I still can’t believe that woman decided to do such a terrible thing.” – hebossapplesauce
“My wife is a hospice nurse. She goes to dying people’s houses and pretty much checks vitals and meds. She surprises me every day with stories of how her patients love to see her. I think it’s because she cares about them, and they see her as their little “angel.” I like to joke around and call her an angel of death. Anyway, one day she came home absolutely mortified. She had a husband and wife on service and went to their house to do her thing. The husband had some type of cancer, and the wife had dementia, I believe.
So, the husband had to take care of the wife. On this visit, when my wife walked through the door, she noticed something was wrong. The wife with dementia was doing her thing, off in her world, but my wife couldn’t find the husband. She went into their bedroom, and the poor guy had ants crawling all over him. He wasn’t dead – he was just too weak to be able to do anything about it. He was fully aware of what was happening in his bed with the ants. She helped him out of bed and proceeded to shower him to remove every ant.” – KuriousOne
1. Stabbings, surgeries, and self-defense for this medical professional … oh my!
“Hmm… I have a few, though I don’t know if I’d be called a professional. I do work in a hospital. We had one patient come into the ICU whose guts were so swollen that they couldn’t close him up. He was wide open for a week and a half in the ICU. Yes, that means his intestines were on glorious display. I couldn’t eat spaghetti that week without thinking about it. Also, I carried a guy who got stabbed into the ER one day as the girl who brought him drove off in a jiffy. The police arrived a bit later, looking for her – she eventually came back, and they talked to her.
It turns out she was his girlfriend, and she was the one who’d stabbed him. He got arrested. It was deemed that she’d done it in self-defense due to the massive amount of bruising and cigarette burns she had. That one was strange. Then, one week in the ICU, they drained a guy’s lungs because they were filled with fluid. While they were doing that, they found this massive blob. I’m not sure how else to describe it. I only saw the thing in a jar. It was a gelatinous blob (literally – opaque red/orange color, consistency of an egg yolk when you first break the egg- that kind of blob) bigger than my two fists put together.” – Celebreth