“I remember one day in the 5th grade, in the US, my teacher rolled in the TV cart. You all know the one. The lights dimmed, and everyone got excited for movie time! Then the tape played, and it was a bunch of kids talking about puberty. There was one really memorable line in that video that I will literally never forget no matter how long I live or how damaged my brain becomes. One of the kids in a montage of kids saying random stuff about puberty was a boy who said….”
Payperplain continues, “Mine’s not as big as everyone’s.” Even at the tender age of 9, that raised so many questions for me that have never been answered. Why did that kid know he had a smaller penis than the rest of his classmates? Why were they sharing and comparing like that? We didn’t have showers or locker rooms in gym class or anything like that at that age. What the heck?”
14. These kids weren’t paying attention during sex ed.
Mercfan3 shares, “Not a sex ed teacher – although sometimes my classrooms turn into sex ed classrooms..when a student says something so dumb I have to correct them. A few years ago, I was close to three students. It was a brother (18) and sister (17), and the brother’s best friend (17). The brother was a special ed student (dyslexia and a little emotionally stunted) and had his first girlfriend. His sister came up to me, worried that he was going to get his new girlfriend pregnant because he refused to listen to any safe sex talk.”
“I knew it would be too awkward for him to discuss with me, so I talked to his best friend. His best friend was an intelligent student with a cool mom – who I knew had been taught correctly. I questioned him about a few things, and it seemed like he understood condoms and everything. The best friend talked to the brother. We were having a conversation about safe sex. The best friend goes, “you can’t get a girl pregnant after the first round, so that’s the only time I use a condom.” It still horrifies me.”
“So I teach at a community college now, but this happened back in my undergrad days, during my student teaching placement. I was placed with a 5th-grade teacher (a female) who sort of partner-taught with another 5th-grade teacher (a male). At the time, these two teachers were piloting, splitting the classes up by gender to teach certain subjects, the idea being that at this age, students are more likely to engage because they won’t be as worried about embarrassing themselves in front of their peers of the opposite sex. There have actually been some pretty great results with similar programs, but I digress. So we split up the classes one day to have “the talk.” The female teacher and I were having a pretty successful chat with the girls. They were being mature and asking appropriate questions,” says atouchofrazzledazzle.
“After the period ended, and students were leaving to go to lunch, gym, etc., The other teacher comes into the room, his eyes completely bugged out and just shaking his head. He divulges that he began the chat by stating something along the lines of, “OK, so guys have penises. Do any of you know what girls have?”. Complete silence. No hands go up. After a moment, one kid sheepishly raised his hand and said, “a p*ssy?” Of course, all the boys lost it and laughed hysterically. The male teacher said he thought it was a little funny, but mostly he was really sad that these kids (who, by the way, are 10-11 years old) knew the word p*ssy, but not vagina. I should add that this was a very rough school. Most of these kids were exposed to way too much at this age. Plus, they didn’t have the best home lives.”
“I taught sex ed for several years to grade 10 students. One of the most hilarious questions came from our anonymous box, which I told students I would answer every question in the box as long as it wasn’t personally about me. Now, if you know anything about high school students, you know they enjoy embarrassing their teachers. So one of my students decided they could get me to say something embarrassing in front of the class when I read their question.”
Dark-Strings2230 continues, “The question asked was, “is it good to eat the booty like groceries?” The whole class erupts into laughter as I read the question out loud. However, my students know that I’m not easily embarrassed… so I begin explaining what analingus was, why people might enjoy that, and how to do it safely, all in a very professional and technical way. The look of horror on their faces was PRICELESS!”
“How about a cringe-worthy answer? I went to a small school that struggled to hire and keep good teachers for science courses. My senior year, I took an anatomy elective taught by a lady who knew nothing about anatomy. (She had a Ph.D. in chemistry and was desperate for a job). When discussing the anatomy of genitals, my high school GF thought it would be funny if she asked the teacher what a circumcised penis was. The teacher pauses and then explains it is like someone is wearing a turtle neck sweater who cuts it to a v-neck, except it’s the skin of a penis.”
“She fumbles through the analogy and then turns to me and asks me, “Is that right redneckjep?” Of course, everyone starts laughing. Then she makes the next comment, “Well, I am sure all you boys know who is circumcised and who isn’t.” Yes, she thought all the guys would occasionally go to the bathrooms together to compare or something. She was also the lady who described her first time in a little too much detail. She said how awful sex is for women. That it’s something to be put up with. Ah, so many memories of her saying really weird stuff.”
“I had a student ask me why a woman doesn’t get pregnant whenever she has sex. I explained about ovulation and the basics of the cycle’s timing. Unfortunately, two months later, she turns up pregnant. She had been trying without success, and I gave her enough information to achieve her goals. She was 14. I had a 17-year-old ask me why babies don’t drown when pregnant women go swimming.”
MuppetManiac goes on to say, “I had a girl ask me if she needed to really take the pill every day, or just when she had sex. Right after that last one, a kid named Mannie, whom I will remember until my dying day. He put two and two together and asked, “Hold up, miss, hold up. You’re telling me, there’s a pill girls can take, and they don’t get pregnant? WHY ARE ALL THESE GIRLS PREGNANT?” I don’t know Mannie. I truly don’t know.”
“So back in 6th grade. The whole class (100 students) went to the auditorium for a sex ed conference. During the Q&A, I asked what would happen if two sperm cells from different men entered an egg cell simultaneously. I literally asked this question with the most innocent tone and genuine scientific curiosity a 6th grader could express. The teacher asked me to repeat the question, and I thought she didn’t understand me, so I repeated it louder. Here I was thinking she didn’t understand when in reality this woman was shocked I was talking about double penetration creampies in front of 100 12-year-old kids.” says FirebatDZ.
“Finally, a female friend of mine stands up and says, “OH! I know what you are talking about! My mom told me of people that do weird gatherings to have sex and – – “she obviously didn’t get to finish cause at that time, the teacher did the loudest screech to shut everyone up. The conference ended right there. Everyone was sent to their classrooms. I never understood why my question wasn’t answered until years later. I started watching porn, and I felt so bad when I figured it out.”
“I’ve taught sexed for years – one of my funniest exchanges was when the girls in a Year 9 class were complaining about girls getting a raw deal through puberty. I agreed that as females, yes, we do get quite a crappy deal, but we don’t have to deal with unwanted erections. ‘Do you mean boners miss?’ Called out one of the more ‘difficult’ boys in the class. ‘Yes, I do mean boners.’ At which point, one boy squirmed in his seat and sheepishly said, ‘so any boy can get them at any time?’ ‘Well, yes!’ I responded. Then the ‘difficult’ boy shouted out, ‘I’ve got one now and stood up to show the class the bulge in his trousers,” shares Polstar242.
“Then another one of the boys called out, ‘my longest boner lasted for 1 minute 37 seconds.’ The class then erupted into boys admitting to either getting boners in lessons or telling me how long their boners lasted. It was… Enlightening. I’ve had to answer questions about how lesbians and gay men have sex. I got asked once what a cream pie was. I’ve been asked, ‘what are those flappy bits around my girl bits?’. One boy even informed the whole class that if you keep poking a clit it will eventually ‘go off.’ I love teaching sex ed as I try to be as open and honest as the British School System will allow me!”
“Not a teacher, of course, but a student. This was 7th grade, if I remember correctly. We had just finished learning about STDs. Plus, we had been shown what some of the symptoms look like for those with visible symptoms. We had an anonymous question box that we could all write questions down and have answered. Most were typical of what you see in the thread here. However, there was one fairly specific question. ‘Can you get genital herpes on your mouth from oral sex?’”
Arglebargle82 goes on saying, “Cue the girl in the front row with a visible cold sore whipping around in her chair and glaring at the rest of the class, asking whom the heck put that question in the box. No one owned up to it. In hindsight, I feel bad for her because that had to be embarrassing as heck, but at the time, it was all I could do not to fall over laughing. You could hear a pin drop in that classroom, as the teacher confirmed that you could transmit HSV2 via oral sex.”
“Not a teacher. This story is told from the perspective of the student (me). In my senior year of high school, I took an anatomy and physiology class for college credit, with both juniors and seniors in the class. My best friend (male) and several of my best female friends were also in the class, and we occupied the back corner of the room. On the day we discussed methods of contraception, the teacher was trying to clinically explain that the “pullout” method was not effective in birth control because of the presence of sperm in the urethra. A girl in the class, a few rows ahead of us, raised her hand and asked, “If the boy is a virgin, why would there be sperm in his urethra?” says cncordray.
“My buddy and I could barely stifle ourselves in the back row. Her question was absolutely in earnest, which made the whole thing that much funnier. The teacher was trying to delicately hint at the concept of masturbation without actually saying the word, and the girl just wasn’t picking up what he was putting down. The girl sitting next to her leaned over and whispered something in her ear, and she looked up and said, “Ohhh!” My buddy and I lost it. One of those moments where the harder we tried, the worse it got. The teacher had completely lost control of the class for a good several minutes. The poor girl was absolutely mortified. Once the class finally started to come back together, the teacher looked down at his textbook and said, “Well, now I’ve completely lost my place…”. That just blew the lid off the class all over again. We got nothing more accomplished for the rest of the day.”
“When I was in grade 9 (15 years old), a girl asked our elective class drama teacher. She said, “can you get pregnant from swallowing after a blowjob?” The male drama teacher looks slightly horrified by all the implications of the question but slowly answered. “Well, the stomach and uterus aren’t connected at all, so no.” But she continued. She said, “if a girl has a hole in the bottom of her stomach and a hole at the top of her uterus … and she swallows after a blowjob, can she get pregnant then?” The drama teacher gave her a long, weirded-out stare before answering, “well, there are several things between the stomach and the uterus in a body…” “But if there wasn’t. Like if there was a tube connecting it, or something, would it be possible?”
RangerGnome continues, “…the stomach acid would probably kill all the sperm before it made it through to the uterus.” “What if she had really low stomach acid?” Very long pause, staring as though questioning his whole career. “Sure. If all of these entirely impossible factors lined up, a woman could get pregnant from swallowing after a blow job.” “But nothing is impossible, so if all that happened to a person, it could happen!” By this point, all giggles from my classmates and I had subsided into stares of disbelief. Even as Catholic school kids, we all knew that was ridiculous. Our sex ed wasn’t that bad.”
4. Not the questions this teacher wanted to answer.
“I’m not a teacher, but in the middle of sex ed in grade 9, a boy in my class asked my teacher this during the conversation about women’s reproductive systems and how the vagina can stretch when pushing out a baby… Boy: “so, does that mean that the vagina can stretch with things going in?”…all the girls and guys knew what he was asking, but assuming it was a fair question, my teacher simply replied. Teacher: “yes, but not in the same way. But a woman’s vagina can stretch to fit a larger penis to a certain extent width-wise. That’s different for every woman, and that’s general.” OK, feeling awkward but OK.”
chiseledjawline12 continues, “He raises his hand again. Boy: “so does that mean you could fit a watermelon inside a vagina?” My female teacher went red and got angry at his poor taste in question. She sent him to the hallway to think about his choices. The boys chuckled, and the girls just shook their heads. Did I mention this was in a catholic religion sex ed class? Honestly was surprised my teacher even answered the first question the way she did without including “after marriage” in that sentence. She normally did.”
“I went to public school in Massachusetts in a small wealthy town with one stoplight and about 200 kids per grade. We had the standard “this is puberty and science of conception” overview in 6th grade. However, we had Sex Ed as a mandatory 6-week segment of gym class our freshman year, which I took in 1999. It was team-taught by the football coach and the school nurse. They covered everything in a great sex-positive way that emphasized safety, consent, pleasure, and positivity. It was truly great and delved into everything. They showed how to put a condom on yourself and how to put it on a partner,” shares stimilon.
“They talked about masturbation, sex toys, orgasm, how to have conversations with partners about what you were or were not comfortable with, and how to communicate about what feels good or bad. The last 20 minutes were an unstructured time for question and answer, and there was “the question box,” which was a shoe box for each class section in the cafeteria where you could anonymize your question. They would answer every single question without you as the author. Well… I was a freshman. My sister was a senior. She and all of her friends ate in the same cafeteria where the question box lived.”
Stimilon continues, “They decided to stuff the box with all sorts of questions and put my class section number on them so they’d be read in my class. They ranged from easy ones like “I slipped on my bike falling on my seat and broke my hymen. Am I still a virgin?” “One of my teammates asked if he could suck my penis to see if I’m gay. I got hard. Does this mean I’m gay?” To “my parents make my siblings sleep in the basement so they can have friends over for a “key party.” Is this common?”
“To even mention every masturbatory practice or locations for ejaculation you can imagine. The funniest part was that the teachers thought all of these questions came from my one friend in the class. They totally thought this for the rest of his high school career. The real truly best part was that they took on every question and tried to give each a medically sound answer without judgment. I probably owe a lot of my positive attitudes about sex to how seriously this football coach and the school nurse took on a tough task.”
“I’m not a teacher, but instead, I was the awkward student that asked the uncomfortable question. I must have been about 12. I’m 28 now, and I live in the UK. For some reason, our whole year group received one mass sex ed class with all the form teachers (class heads?) standing awkwardly in a row at the front of the large classroom to help answer about 70 cramped children’s questions. I have no idea why this was the chosen format to educate us on the intricacies of sex. After one of the braver teachers gives her a rundown on the basics with seemingly very little rehearsal to this class, and confident male students get up to incorrectly point at the clitoris on the giant vagina projected on the board, the classroom is opened up to questions,” shares Rhydonal.
“Now, I am a cheeky chap. I figured this was my chance to ask a question. Also, hopefully enlighten the year group on correct oral sex procedures. After raising my hand, my teacher pointed to me. “I know it’s safer for girls to spit when it comes to oral sex. But is it safer for guys to spit when going down on a girl?” The teacher that’s answering awkwardly stumbles over her words, unsure how to answer such a ridiculous question. Seeing how uncomfortable this made her, I decided to step in and say something along the lines of “So a guy should spit then, yeah?” Nodding my head as I look directly at her. “I suppose.” I think was the conclusion. The other pupils and teachers stared quietly at both the teacher and me. Everyone was wondering what to make of this awkward exchange.”